It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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