420 ftw
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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