My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
