Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
