i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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