I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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