I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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