It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."