She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.