Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?