Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
