I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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