i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
