We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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