I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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