At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
