He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
