Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
