Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
