im drinking this country out of the recession.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
