PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
