I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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