Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
