so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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