I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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