So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
