I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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