just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
