i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize