Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
