just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
