We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
