They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow