is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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