We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
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After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world