I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?