god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going