I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
