I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Boobs are out for the taking
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
