i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
