i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
