My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
