Dual....:-)
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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