Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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