Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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