everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
