do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
In America we eat man semen.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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