i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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