I smell stomach acid.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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