i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
