He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
