can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
