I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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