A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
