Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried