Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
