Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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