He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
