She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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