she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Drake has all the answers
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
