This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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