i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
