I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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