At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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