i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
